About three months ago the man child decided to become a vegetarian after watching a video on YouTube.  (I hate that freaking site)  The man child who knows everything and doesn't need to take any advice from the old people.  The same one who came storming into the house after school last week, completely panicked because he has dropped 30lbs. off his benchpress weight.  My reply to this?  "What did you think would happen to your muscle mass when you decided to live on peanutbutter sandwiches and lettuce?  Now will you listen to me?"

This provided a very rare situation.  The two of us out together, voluntarily.  It amazes me that everything I've been saying to him was ridiculous until it was repeated  by the chick in the GNC.  It had to be true coming from her.  After all, she had on a fancy nametag and used bigger words than, "No protein, no muscles, dude."

I had fun hanging out with him and running errands.  During one of them, he made a comment about something we were buying and why the woman behind the counter seemed to be more trusting of me than him.  At first I sugarcoated it by saying that it was obviously because I'm an older person, blah blah blah.  He wasn't convinced that was it, so I just admitted that maybe he looked like someone who would shoplift.

He was extremely offended.  I explained that maybe because he was a teenaged boy with an earring, a lip ring, a dark t-shirt with the name of a punk rock band splashed across the front, and shoes with fake fur on them, he might give off the impression of being a little rebellious punk.

He launched into this tirade about how unfair it was to judge him by his appearance.  After all, he's a straight A student who plays football, never breaks curfew, doesn't drink or smoke, or cause trouble of any other kind.

I countered with the statement that obviously it's wrong to judge someone without knowing them first, but to think we all aren't judged by our appearances is ridiculous.  How else are you going to develop an opinion of a total stranger you're going to spend no more than a couple minutes with if not by the impression they give you with their appearance?  A sales clerk in a store isn't going to spend enough time talking with you in order to find out your thoughts and attitudes.  Unfortunately they're left with nothing other than how you look... how you're dressed and possibly whether or not you're a polite person.  It isn't right, but that doesn't keep it from happening.

So I went back to the words he's heard from me so many times I'm sure he has nightmares about them.  I told him that we've allowed him to be his own person with his personal tastes and styles.  We want him to make the statements that are important to him.  But if he feels he's man enough to make bold statements, he has to be adult enough to deal with the fact not everyone is going to understand what he's saying.

That got a grunt and an eyeroll.

Then, not ten minutes later, we pass a kid with the waistband of his jeans almost down to his knees, a nasty baseball cap turned backwards, and untied sneakers with the strings flopping on the floor as he walked.  He was walking all cocky and looked like he'd probably be a little smartass.  Man child makes a comment to that fact, sort off-handedly.  Something about the "tough guy". 

I stopped in the middle of the aisle and just looked at him with my mouth on the floor.  I said, "Did you see what you just did?"  He was obviously confused.  When I pointed out that he had just proven the point of my unwanted, unappreciated lecture, the look that washed over his face will be something I'll remember with great joy for the rest of my life.

The point is, he's learning life's lessons.  Sometimes he even pays attention.  That should make me feel good, but it scares me to death.  He's almost a man.  Soon enough he won't have to ask permission to do things his way.  It's a cold world out there.  Even believing you've done your best just doesn't make a parent feel any better, does it? 

I'm so proud of him.  He's a strong intelligent person.  He has great values and a heart of gold.  He's turned into a confident individual completely comfortable in who he is.  That makes me so happy.  But I know all too well how quickly the world can take your strength, confidence, and individuality and spank your ass with it all.  It's not a hurts so good kind of feeling, either. 

There's no way to protect them from that without convincing them to conform and be what the world wants them to be, is there.  I admit that sometimes a tiny voice in my head whispers the wish that he'd do just that, but I know in my heart how disappointed I'd be if he caved in and became fake.

So what's my plan?  He's thinking about staying home and going to school locally.  How many years can you stay in school, anyway?  How many degrees can one person get in a lifetime?  I'm thinking he should stay right here and find out.